Put Down The Cape

“Don’t carry the world on your shoulders.” Just hearing that phrase, i bet a little part of you… maybe a big part, if you’re anything like me… lets out a tired sigh of relief. This is because being a superhero all the time can be exhausting. It’s noble, feels good to swoop in and fix things, to be the one everyone calls when they’re in a bind but if we’re truly honest with ourselves, that cape often feels less like a symbol of power and more like a heavy burden, dragging us down when all we want to do is fly.  

I know this feeling deeply and i am sure you do too. There’s this inherent, almost gravitational pull, especially for those of us who’ve come from backgrounds where collective responsibility is woven into the very fabric of our upbringing. We see a problem and feel a pang; before we know it, we’re already drawing up a rescue plan. It’s a beautiful trait, this desire to uplift and support but in our earnest attempt to be everyone’s saviour, we end up neglecting the most crucial person in the equation: ourselves.  

Think about it. You’ve packed your bags, filled with dreams and an undeniable ambition, heading off to a new city or a foreign country, perhaps, with promises of new opportunities, growth and a chance to build a better life. You’re trying to navigate unfamiliar streets, new customs and a different language, all while battling the silent anxieties of being an outsider. Suddenly… your phone rings or a message pops up. It’s family back home and someone needs school fees, another needs help with rent or a medical emergency. 

 The dreaded “black tax” is called but it’s more than just a financial obligation. It’s an emotional tether, a deep-seated sense of duty that whispers, “You’ve made it out, now you must pull everyone up with you.” Just like that, the cape is on, even if it means emptying your own almost-empty pockets or near-zero account, sacrificing your own stability or postponing your crucial steps towards settling down. You find yourself sending money meant for your deposit, your essential needs, back home, hoping against hope that this time, it’ll be the last but it rarely is. 

 It’s not just about financial burdens, either. It’s the friend who always calls for advice, the colleague who constantly needs help finishing their tasks, the family member who leans on you for emotional support even when your own well is dry. We become the go-to person, the fixer, the one who can’t say no. While being helpful is a wonderful quality, being perpetually in “rescue mode” can leave you depleted, resentful and utterly stuck. You’re so busy putting out everyone else’s fires that your own dreams… your own goals… smolder. They never quite ignite into the roaring success you envisioned for yourself.  

I remember a period in my life, not too long ago, where i felt like i was constantly juggling everyone else’s problems. My own aspirations felt like distant stars i could see but never touch. I was a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, an impromptu financial advisor or LAPO as we say in Nigeria and a professional problem-solver for almost everyone around me. However, you know what? I was utterly miserable and progressing at a snail’s pace in my own life, always feeling like i was taking one step forward and two steps back. My own mental health was suffering. I was spread so thin, i barely recognized myself. It took a friend, someone who saw the exhaustion etched on my face, to gently suggest, “Maybe it’s time to let them figure some things out themselves.” 

That hit hard. It felt selfish, almost cruel. How could i abandon people in need? However, i started to realize something profound. By constantly stepping in, i was inadvertently stunting their own growth, their ability to find solutions, to become resilient and by always being the rescuer, i was preventing myself from truly building the solid foundation i needed to thrive. Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do for others… and for yourself… is to let them stumble a little. Let them find their own feet and allow them the dignity of solving their problems, even if tough.  

“Putting down the cape” isn’t about becoming heartless or abandoning your loved ones but setting healthy boundaries. It’s about understanding that you cannot pour from an empty cup and recognizing that your primary mission, especially when you’re trying to establish yourself, is your growth, your stability, your future, because only when you are strong, secure and thriving can you genuinely, sustainably and effectively help others in a way that doesn’t deplete you. It’s a marathon, not a sprint and you need to preserve your energy for your race.  

So, take off that heavy cape, hang it up and for a little while, focus on being you, building your world, brick by crucial brick. The world won’t end, I promise and who knows? You might find out that you’re able to help in even more meaningful ways once you’re standing firmly on your own two feet.